Why You’re Feeling Postpartum Rage at Your Husband or Partner and What to Do About It

postpartum rage at your husband
Lauren Hays

Lauren Hays

Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, PMHNP

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Why You’re Feeling Postpartum Rage at Your Husband or Partner and What to do About It

Becoming a mother is a tidal wave of emotions, a blend of profound love and overwhelming challenges. But what if the waves are also churning with anger, specifically towards your partner? Postpartum rage, a less talked about but quite common experience amongst new mothers, can lead to fiery outbursts or yelling directed typically at the one adult consistently part of your new life – your husband or partner. Feeling postpartum rage at your husband or partner is common and we can help!

Understanding the Target of Your Postpartum Rage

They’re an Adult

Your partner, being the adult in the room who isn’t entirely dependent on you, can become a lightning rod for frustration. Unlike your newborn, they can theoretically fend for themselves, and your expectations for them are naturally higher.  You observe them retaining fragments of their pre-parent life, you might feel like they are bonding easier with the new baby, or you might experience extreme bouts of sadness while grieving your old life. It’s easy to become envious of your partner’s autonomy as you grapple with the 24-hour demands of a newborn.

They’re There

Simply put, proximity matters. They’re nearby and available, which sometimes makes them the easiest recipient of your heightened emotions. In the exhaustion and hormonal driven rollercoaster of the postpartum period, your partner becomes the most accessible target for emotional release. Proximity breeds conflict, and regular exposure can sometimes amplify negative feelings.

They’re Not Perfect

Neither are we, but in the throes of new parenthood, your partner’s imperfections can be magnified. Every forgotten chore or missed cue for support may feel like a major oversight and can trigger feelings of rage, resentment, and irritability.
postpartum rage at husband

How to Cope With Postpartum Rage

Talk to Your Partner

Open lines of communication can do wonders. Your partner, although they might not fully understand what you’re going through, wants to support you in the postpartum period. Share your feelings honestly but gently—this isn’t about blame, it’s about seeking understanding and help.  Sharing your feelings honestly helps foster understanding and heightens the chances of finding balance in responsibilities and support.

Sit down during a calm moment:

  • Begin with “I feel” statements
  • Be specific about what you need in the form of support or space
  • Acknowledge that it’s a tough time for both of you and see how you can support them in return
  • Don’t use this time to point out every flaw in your relationship
  • Remind them how you actually feel about them and praise the things you have been appreciating during this transition
  • Let them know you’d like help in monitoring your emotional well-being and educating your support system of red flags that might signal something more like postpartum anxiety or postnatal depression

SLEEP

It’s no secret that sleep deprivation can wreak havoc on your emotions. Whenever possible, prioritize rest. Don’t underestimate the power of a short nap!  Rest can be a buffer against emotional volatility. Consider taking shifts with your partner for baby’s nighttime needs, so each of you has opportunities to rest.

Nutrition

Your body needs fuel, not just any fuel but the kind that sustains energy and balances mood. Whole, nutritious foods can have a positive effect on your emotional state. Prioritizing a nutritious diet with foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids, magnesium, and vitamin B can have a significant impact on emotional health.Work with your partner to ensure that healthy meals don’t become an additional source of stress.

Support

You’re designed to thrive with a village around you. Lean on friends, family members, and mom groups—anyone who can offer a listening ear or a helping hand. Shared experiences can validate your feelings and provide solace and solutions.  Emotional comfort is crucial for ALL of the feeling you experience postpartum and The Matrescence motherhood community is a great way to build your village.

Self-Care

Self-care is not a luxury; it’s essential. It doesn’t have to be a spa day—it can be a hot shower, a quiet cup of tea, or just take a moment to assess your needs for the day. Whatever replenishes you, make it a non-negotiable part of your day.  Prioritizing your mental health is not selfish, its necessary!

sleeping mom

Don't Worry, Mama, Help And Support Is Available

Speak With a Doctor or Counselor About Postpartum Depression and Anxiety

Sometimes,  talking with a health professional is the best course of action. Postpartum rage could be a sign of deeper issues like postpartum depression or anxiety. A healthcare professional can offer a safe place to discuss these feelings and recommend treatment options that work for you.

Motherhood is as demanding as it is rewarding, and it’s perfectly okay to seek help. Acknowledge your strength in facing these challenging emotions. Remember, taking care of yourself is an act of love for your new baby, your partner, and most importantly, you.

In this shared journey of parenthood, know that your experiences, while unique, resonate with a community ready to embrace and support you. And as you navigate each wave of emotion that comes your way, hold fast to the knowledge that within you lies an ocean of resilience and love, ready to carry you forward to calmer shores.

You Are Not Alone, Mama!

We are here, ready and willing to be a part of your support system. If you need further guidance or just someone to talk to, please reach out. Together, let’s find the balance and peace you deserve.

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Lauren Hays, PMHNP

Lauren Hays, PMHNP

Lauren was a licensed and trained registered nurse in the NICU and has since made a career shift to focus on mental health. Lauren is now a board certified Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner, focusing on women’s health and wellness. She is a mom of three precious little men who has turned her pain into passion.

mother with eyes closed pressing her face up against her infant to calm her anxious feelings

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